I'd Rather Be Anywhere, Doing Anything

Yes, I know it's been much longer than usual, but just take my word for it when I tell you there are good reasons and we really don't need to go there. Suffice it to say that after a really dramatic year from summer of '14 until this summer, I made some major life changes. I moved back to my hometown, abruptly quit pain management (thanks, Florida) and quit smoking again - and I'm really hoping this time it sticks.
Without any prior warning, I came to find out that Florida is part of about 20 states that participate in a DEA joint task force to stop prescription drug abuse. The big problem with this is that it's turned the medical communities in these areas into a police state, where anyone who says they're in pain is assessed with only a look and classified as an addict. These health care professionals are so afraid of breaking the law imposed on their state that they neglect to do their jobs.
My response to all this was to just cease pain management altogether and find another way. I switched to a nerve pain medication called neurontin and decided to start water therapy, and that's going okay.
I feel for other people who don't have that sort of option. I've heard of cancer patients having to stand in methadone lines to get relief because they can't get in to see a pain management doctor. And even if you can get in to see one of these doctors, they are generally rude and condescending.
This is a cause I fully plan to take up once things are a bit more settled for me. Addicts need to start having more help available to them and doctors need to start being able to distinguish between legitimate pain patients and addicts. You can't diagnose someone with just a glance.
In the meantime, I'm focusing on getting myself better. My therapist days I'm doing great. I'm advancing faster than expected and I can really feel it! Besides that all I really have left to say is that I can't believe how long I waited to leave Virginia. Hampton Roads was just so not for me and I'm happier than I've been in a long time now that I'm home. Hope everyone else is also doing well.

The Landscape's Burning Red

So. I've been feeling somewhat guilty about not posting more often, but I've just had a lot of other things I've needed to deal with of late. Shortly after I started this blog, I looked at several resources for expanding blog readership, increasing site traffic, etc. "Add this link/button/widget/banner," and more to that effect. Read and comment on other related blogs. I may have made certain overtures to that end, but the truth is I began this mostly for myself, to have a chronicle of what I've been doing to recover from my physical and emotional setbacks. I didn't feel very comfortable talking about any of it for a while, and blogging about it seemed among other things, a really easy way for friends and family to get up to speed on my situation.


Then I started getting comments and messages, first from people I know and then from others I didn't. All positive, a lot saying I helped the person in some way. That matters to me, mostly because I felt really alone in all of this when I started having to deal with it, and if anything I have to say could help someone dealing with similar problems then that in and of itself makes the whole thing worthwhile.


There's also a factor to my level of activity with the blog that I'm sure wouldn't be the first to spring to mind, which is that I was told I couldn't work by my doctors for a long period of time. What ended up being close to three years by the time I was given the go-ahead to go back to work. Might I add, easily the three most boring years of my entire life. Loafing is absolutely not for me. I prefer to be as busy as possible and going from a busy, fast-paced lifestyle to an extremely sedentary one was frustrating and depressing, so I welcomed having a project to occupy my time. I stopped and started with several others before focusing on this one.


In December of last year, my doctors conferred and agreed that it would be okay for me to start looking for work. Having been completely out of work for so long and self-employed for over a decade previous, getting a toe-hold in the workforce again has not been exactly easy.  But I've been logging time at a temp agency for a few months where I've made a great and supportive business contact.  I feel confident that it won't be terribly long before I can find more steady work. Once I'm at a regular job, I plan on enrolling in classes at a local college. Suddenly I have all these plans, things that have been gaining momentum on a back burner for the better part of the past year. Finally everything is coming together. The lady who was once so bothered by a lack of things to do is now finding herself with a full plate. Believe me when I tell you I'm ready to dig in!


So where that leaves me in regard to the blog is this: I don't have the time to put into it that I used to. Has my readership suffered from it? Sure. But I honestly don't care whether or not I'm the coolest kid on the blog block. If I wanted high readership I'm sure I could have regaled the world with tales from my dancing/clubbing/drinking/partying/life-on-the-road days. Maybe someday I will tell those stories. But not here. not now.  That's never what this was about. I've decided not impose any sort of deadlines with this project from now on. I'll post when I wish, and if you've been reading so far and choose to continue to follow, I sincerely thank you for your interest and support.


I hope everyone has a fantastic day.

The Latest News

I'm going to take a break this time from posting exercises and just talk about what's going on with me.  I've been working as a temp lately and when good opportunities have been coming up, I've been taking weeks off of therapy to pursue them, with the full support of the clinic staff.  They're really great people.

When I first went back to work, I was still not in very great shape.  A couple of times I hobbled into PT appointments and we skipped exercises in order to just concentrate on fixing me.  Part of that was teaching me ways to cope with stuff I might have to deal with on a job: standing for a while, bending, picking things up.  I learned valuable techniques to deal with all of this and after several weeks, I maybe would come home tired, but not in any extra pain.

After discussing this at yesterday's appointments, my therapist decided that we would drop my appointments down to one day a week, with the intention of weaning me down and letting me get back to my regular life.  She says I'm doing fantastic and I've gotten much stronger.  Another cool thing happened.  When I jumped on the scale yesterday morning, for the first time in months I was down out of a weight range that's scary to me.  I love moving the big block down a notch!  I'm now only 15 pounds away from where I was when I was doing so well last summer.

I feel I can say with confidence that I refuse to let myself get that heavy again.  Much in the same way as when I first starting gaining weight from all this mess I set a dress size number in my head, and I told myself if it ever got to where I needed to buy that size, I would sit in the house naked until I lost enough  weight to fit into smaller clothes.  I'm proud to say it has never, will never come to that.  It really is a matter of personal choice.  When you see people who let themselves get humugous, they deicde to let that occur.  Have a conversation with any of them.  They don't eat well and they never move.  That's exatly how I gained weight.  I just chose to put an end to it before it made me totally hate myself.

There aren't shortcuts.  Crash diets will bite you in the rear when you get older and your metabolism is completely shot from it.  You have to make yourself learn to like foods that are better for you and you have to exercise.  That's all there is to it.  Most of the people you see that have killer bodies bust their asses for them.  If you want one too, you have to be willing to do the same.  I'm willing to do the work. That's what I have to say for now.  Hope everyone has a great weekend.

The Basics of Lumbar Stabilization, Part II

As I mentioned last week, it's important to remember that maintaining transverus abdominus contraction, ot TrA, is the key element to these exercises.  The following moves round out beginner level lumbar stabilization exercises.

5. Prone Alternate Leg Lift

• lay face down with a pillow under your middle area
• keep the knee straight and raise the whole leg 1/4, hold for a few seconds before lowering*
• left leg, then right leg = 1 rep
  
  *My doctor mentioned to me when I started this exercise that height is not nearly as important as keeping the leg straight and holding it for a few beats.

6.Quadruped Alternate Arm Raises

• keep your back flat
• raise one arm out in front of you and hold for a few seconds, while making sure to keep shoulders and hips square (avoid leaning)
• right arm, then left arm = 1 rep

7. TrA with Heel Slide

• beginning with both knees bent, slide one foot slowly away along the floor
• slowly slide foot back to start
• right leg, then left leg = 1 rep

 8.Back Bridge with Wide Base of Support,         Four Stable Points of Contact

• lie on your back with knees bent, feet shoulder width apart, arms extended at your sides
• push up with your hips to establish a straight line through your knee, hip and shoulder
• hold for a few seconds, then release
  
  
  TrA needs to be maintained at all times during the exercises.  I know I say it a lot, but guess what?  I'll continue to do so because it's that important.  The exertion tends to make you not want to breathe.  My doctor taught me a cool trick for that.  Go back to my last post and see the part where it says to put your hands around your waist to check if you're doing TrA right.  Do that.  Practice the contraction a bunch of times.  Hold each one 10 seconds.  Count the 10 seconds out loud, it'll make you breathe.  Do that until you don't have to anymore.  Also, with exercises that are harder than others, inhale before the exertion and exhale during the effort.  That always helps me.
  
  
  The team at my clinic discussed me last week and decided they are going more aggressive with me because they are unhappy with my pain level of late.  So this week I began late intermediate exercises.  A definite challenge, but I'm always up for that.
  
  Yesterday when I went in, they told me to start on my exercises right away.  I got through them mostly without incident.  One was too hard just yet and another gave me a little trouble.  After I was done, the tech I work with said she wanted to talk to me before I left.  She  said the biggest problem with spine stabilization is that people don't apply themselves enough.  They're all wobbly and don't try to do anything to be otherwise, which totally defeats the point of the whole thing.  I thought for sure I was in for a criticism.  Then she asked me about the one exercise I had a lot of trouble with, which is a back bridge with your arms up so you don't have them for support and your heels resting on a fitness ball.  It's very hard to balance!  I told her about a slight modification I did to get through it and she said that was exactly right.  Then she said that exercise is hard for anyone, even people without any back issues and great core strength.  She further said that the effort I have been making has been excellent, pretty much the opposite of the crappy effort she mentioned before.  Yay!
  
  I do feel so much better when I exercise, and I love the feeling after sore muscles heal of them getting stronger.  For that matter, I kind of like when they're sore too because that means I used them well.  Progress!  It's a great feeling.  Everyone have a great weekend.  See you next week!

I'm back!

After what I'll call a long "fitness relapse" following a hospitalization this summer and a very stupid and unnecessary distraction, I decided to return to good nutrition and fitness.  I had let myself wallow in negative feelings after some major changes and disappointments occurred in my life and the setback cost me.  I gained a good 20 lbs. or so and lost most of the muscle tone I had acquired during the summer challenge. I felt overwhelmed and helpless, but eventually a thought occurred to me: Sometimes the thing that needs to change is not your situation, but your perception of it.  And with that, I decided to dust myself off and get back to work with getting myself healthy and stronger and feeling less pain.  I was doing great before.  I know I can do it again.
I discussed my plans with my spine rehab doctor and he prescribed four to six weeks of physical therapy before I try to take on any exercise regime of my own.  I met with my new physical therapist this morning and I thought things went very well.  I had done research on local physical therapists when I made the appointment and I'm quite happy with my choice.  My journey begins again tomorrow and I will be chronicling my efforts and progress as per usual.
I'm so happy to be back.  I hope this post finds everyone well and happy.  Good night!

30 Day Summer Shape Up, LAST DAY!

For the very last day of the challenge, I thought I would revisit an old fitness "foe," the KickButt! - Volume 4 - Floor Burn video from Amazon Instant Video.  I purchased this title around 2008, the last year I toured as a dancer.  I suppose the earliest onset of my physical injuries made me feel that I should get in better shape.  (I really wish I had followed through on that notion.)  This and a few other titles I bought ended up never really being used.  I remember getting through not even 10 minutes of Floor Burn and thinking something to the effect of, "Screw this - this woman is nuts!"  I may have even said that out loud.

I still think she's nuts, but in a way I can have an appreciation for these days.  I didn't finish the video today, but I did get more than halfway through it, which made me feel pretty good.  I also noted how proper form really changes the way an exercise feels, something I've been marveling at for this entire past month.  Also, I can manage pushups and chaturangas now, which I definitely could not one month ago.  

I didn't lose crazy amounts of weight  with this challenge.  I've lost what I've been averaging the entire time I've been trying to get fit  - about a pound or two a week - which is a good, safe rate at which to lose weight.  Somewhere in the middle I even gained a few pounds as my calorie needs became greater due to the work I've been doing and (I'm assuming) muscle building.  I feel stronger.  My "tight jeans" don't feel as tight as they used to.  That matters so much more to me than a number on a scale.  My back also doesn't hurt nearly as much as it used to. (Yay!)  Two months ago, standing for an hour or doing several loads of laundry would have made me feel like I wanted to cry.  I could do either without a second thought now. 

I'm proud of myself for powering through this past week's feelings of boredom and monotony to get to the end of this challenge.  These are feelings that all of us face when it comes to making a commitment to getting fit.  How we deal with them determines whether or not we achieve our goals.  I couldn't stress more the importance of keeping it fresh on a day-to-day basis.  If I was doing the exact same thing every single day, I probably would have quit at Day 10.  I feel very confident that I'll continue this effort on a daily basis.

Now I'm ready for summer!

Motivation

When I decided to make this blog and all things pertaining to related topics the focus of my Twitter page, I thought I'd be cheeky about it.  Like, 'Oh, so an ex-stripper hurt herself and got fat and now she wants to tell everyone about it.'  I don't know, I guess when you've existed in that field for so long you get used to presenting yourself publicly in a certain way.  You're not allowed to have certain weaknesses, and if you do you better joke about it before somebody else does.  And I'm not getting down on the industry at all.  I'm the first to tell you that if I hadn't injured myself I would never have retired.  I miss being on stage just about every day of my life. But at this point in achieving my goals, a new focus is emerging and I'd like that to be clear.

This isn't about vanity, or about complaining about bad things that have happened to me, or trying to shock people with my errant and sometimes seriously misguided attempts to lose weight.  I started all this because I really want to feel better, in every way.  The injury surely slowed me down, but a cavalcade of other mishaps and misfortunes occurred over the last several years and had contributed to the deterioration of my health and mood.  Two years ago I visited my hometown for the first time in five years.  I remember I felt it necessary to issue a group notice to my friends letting them know ahead of time that I had gained weight and I was self-conscious about it.  Here is an excerpt:

"This is not a big 'throwing in the towel' I'm-going-to-become-complacent speech, it's just sh*t I'm going through in my life right now and I want to get this anxiety and low-grade dread off my chest, especially since my last trip home only lasted a few days and I want to be happy about going there now. I've always been super-active, ever since I was a little girl. It's been weird and scary being one of those "I have a bad back" people for the last three years. It's just a thing I have to acclimate to, I guess. I will. I can do whatever I want. But that takes time. For now I'm just me the way I am today..."

What really surprised me is how many friends around my same age responded saying they felt similarly about themselves and their present state of fitness.  At that point I wasn't yet feeling well enough to actively pursue getting healthy, but the seed of an idea was planted.  I knew that when I was ready to commit to this, I wanted to find and interact with other people working towards the same purpose.  To share my journey and find inspiration and hopefully offer the same.

In April when I turned to exercise to pull me through dealing with making some pretty stupid personal choices, I really noticed one unanticipated benefit of my efforts.  My mood drastically improved.  For a while I had been wrapping my hopes up in others trying to achieve the same, and here - on my own - and completely by accident, I managed such.  For me, maintaining focus, balance and a positive mood are essential as I am a rapid-cycling bipolar.  So it's not about "being hot."  Sure, that result doesn't hurt but that's not why I'm doing this.  It's about feeling better, inside and out.  It's about deciding that the negative events in my life are not going to defeat me.  It's about realizing that even though I may have done some things the wrong way every second of my life until right now, as a human being I am capable of growth, change and improvement.  And taking all that and sharing it with other people that are going through the same thing.

Be well, everyone.  And do something today that makes you feel good about yourself.