Too much protein is bad... who knew? aka Laura learns about nutrition

By the end of 2008, it became apparent that life as I knew it was not going to continue.  I had become really accustomed to life on the road even though it's a bit alienating.  I must get that from my father, who had been a touring musician for many years.  He never got off that schedule and I was sort of raised that way, staying up til all hours and getting up whenever I wanted to (barring school days, when I just learned to take a nap after I got home).  For four years I traveled so much that I spent a little less than half my time in transit, sometimes not remembering right away where I was.   I spent a few days a month at my apartment in Boston, maybe  I know all major American airport hubs like the back of my hand.  I still have points on all my hotel accounts.  I have an impressive city and state T-shirt collection.  Upon seeing Up in the Air, I completely identified with it.  I kind of didn't know what to do with myself with that all ending.

I was also really tired of living in Boston, and had been making frequent trips to Los Angeles for several years, so I thought I would give living there full-time a shot.  The last time I was in L.A. I was in much better shape, which made me very nervous about making the move since it's such an image-conscious place.  But my roommate had a tread climber and I made some advice inquiries.  Someone told me about a protein powder I ought to try.

Now, I knew virtually nothing about fitness at this point.  I only got exercise from going out clubbing or at work, and I ate whatever I wanted.  When I wanted to lose weight, I went on extreme crash diets.  That only keeps working for so long, eventually completely messing up your metabolism.  I started using the tread climber a few hours a day.  I ate only smoothies three times a day, with the protein powder (which contained about forty-five grams of protein per serving), some fruit and maybe a little skim milk or yogurt.  Knowing what I know now, I don't think they should sell that stuff in a store, you should have to get it from a doctor.

A funny thing happens to you when your body takes in more protein than you can digest.  Your speech slurs, your motor functions are impaired, you vomit and eventually you lose consciousness.  This process takes three to four days.  My roommate had been sober for 20 years, which I thought was great because I met several strung-out whack jobs in L.A. and didn't want to live with one.  He felt the same, but that ended up biting me in the ass.  I suppose he thought I was on drugs as I got obviously more sick, so instead of calling 911 to save my life, he called to have the police to remove me from his house.  Nice guy, right?  The cops complied even though they told me they didn't believe him.  They gave me a ride to a Super 8 motel around the corner.  I felt more tired than I had ever been in my life, so I just crashed.  

The next morning the manager knocked on my door to ask me if I planned to stay.  I said I did, but wasn't feeling well.  He said to give him money and he would bring back change and a receipt.  When he returned he did an obvious double take as I stepped into the light.  I looked down at the change in my hand and blood was dripping on the bills.  I went to the mirror and was horrified at what I saw.  My face was swollen, eyes almost completely shut.  Blood was running from every hole in my head.  I called an ambulance.

I took this with my netbook in the ICU about half a week 
in.  The swelling was almost  completely gone by then.
I remember thinking the blood in the whites of my eyes
reminded me of the alien stuff from the X-Files.

It took a little bit to figure out what was wrong.  I had thought at first that my roommate had followed me and jumped me.  I was so out of it when I got to the motel that I couldn't remember if I had locked or even closed the door.  It turns out that when you consume much more protein than you should, your kidneys shut down.  I was in acute renal failure.  There was talk of dialysis.  I literally almost died trying to get thin.

It was pretty hairy for just over two weeks.  I remember this one religious zealot nurse that kept saying I was going to die (which I think is evil to tell a patient, even if it's true) was drawing angels on the dry erase board in my room.  By the grace of whatever wherever (I'm a staunch non-Christian, I'm always going to make references like that), I pulled through.  My kidneys bounced back completely.  I'm not on dialysis.  But they had me meet with a nutritionist several times and I learned about eating right.  Balance your protein and your carbs.  Control portion size, but get enough calories and fat.  And yeah, you have to get some fat all the time, even if you're trying to lose weight.  Etc., etc.

I guess I wanted to share this so it doesn't happen to anyone else.  Most people don't eat right.  I'll never understand why good food is so expensive and junk food is dirt cheap.  As a result, when people want to look better they go to extremes because they don't know how to do it right.  I use hemp protein in my smoothies now, which only has eighteen grams of protein per serving.  And I can only use half the recommended amount or it kind of makes me want to barf.  I've seen some recipes online, but they have really esoteric ingredients you can't generally find at your corner grocer.  If anyone reading this knows how to cut the yuck factor down with this stuff, I'd love to hear about it.

Everyone have a great day and eat right!